Pickles for my Cookie

He breaths me in.  Does that bother you? He consumes me where my perfume rests. It touches his lips. It's inhaled,  and absorbed.  Does that make your lip curl? My breath is his to control. My skin is his paint. My heart is his to embrace. Does that make your weak, and broken heart cry?  I hope so.  Because I'm happier now, and if that isn't wrath I don't know what is.  AJV

I found a letter today. I was already in a mood. A sad mood. Not unstable but I have been wrapped in sadness since last night. Maybe it's not even sadness. Just truth. Uncomfortable and unsuspecting truth. The realizations that come along with being new at this life again. Reborn if you will.  Never did I think I would be getting a divorce. Never did I think I would be learning to adult and start over. Who am I if I am not a mom and wife? What value do I have? Your letter hurts my heart to read. It makes me weep. The tears roll down my face in an uncomfortable and unsuspecting pain. But I read it. I reread it. I cry more. The kids see my pain.  I have a support system now. They, he, want to support me.  I don't know what is more uncomfortable. Suffering in silence and realizing no one gives a shit, or having someone that actually cares and doesn't want you to suffer anymore... AJV

I've been coming for a while now. It feel like each time I learn something new. Something I hear speaks to me. I guess that's normal.  Tonight you spoke to me. I don't know how or what it was that you said exactly but you touched my soul. You brought out tears that I have been holding in. I got goosebumps and shivers. I wept uncontrollably. It felt amazing. Sad. Cathartic.   I thought about my HP. About how I would feel if they were here. About how it would soothe my pain. About how I would love that feeling again. To feel safe.  What does it mean to be safe? Do we deserve that feeling? And if we do, why?  I'm slowly realizing what I am, and am not capable of. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for speaking to me.   AJV