Pickles for my Cookie

I'm sitting here and its hard for me not to feel manipulated. Last time we were in this situation you conveniently told me the lighter half of the situation.  I was led to believe one thing while only receiving half of the facts. Does that matter? Should it matter? Do I need those facts.  If I had known sooner, how would my opinion of you changed. Is this a let go and let God moment? Is this me trying to control the uncontrollable? Am I seeing what I need to see, and hearing what I need to hear.  It's hard not to think that I'm just a pawn right now.  AJV

Ya see...deep down, I'm broken, and a little fucked up. I've had a lifetime of hurt, struggle, pain, loss and emotional damage. I know that these things have made me stronger. A year ago I did not think that my divorce would lead me here, or would I have the community, love and support I have now. But that is another story, for another day. At no point, did I think it would be possible to find someone like you.   We had been talking for a few weeks before we finally set a date to meet. Play. Whatever would come of it. I stood at the screen door in a white thong, long-sleeved white crop top and a floral robe. I see you get out of your car, walking towards my place and I can't help but mumble "Okay, Okay". If you have ever had fet date before, you know this feeling. The one that makes you question if this person is a psychopathic killer, bum or god knows what. Is the person that shows up, going to be the one you have seen and talked to online?   Well you wer...

I'm up. I showered and brushed my teeth. I hate not seeing your things in the shower. But I also hate that I shared my concerns with you last night, you shared your writing. Then you did the exact thing I was scared of, even after you sent it. You disappeared.  But I don't need explanations. Maybe it was avoidance to talk about those things that scare you. Maybe you went to sleep on the couch. Maybe you were on Instagram when it said you were. Maybe you weren't. Maybe you were chatting with someone else. But thats something I need to let go of. I cannot keep holding you to my standards. I cannot hope you will have the same standards as me. Or spend your time like me. I need to sit back and watch from a distance. I need to observe and gather information.  AJV