You act like I don't know

From the archives 

Every morning I send a gratitude text. Even when I'm struggling to be grateful. Even when I'm struggling to realize, that the hurt will make me stronger in the end. 

Today I'm grateful for your hatred, mean comments, and knives that cut deep. 

Here's the deal. You act like I don't know I'm overweight. I do. I'm well aware, and I know that your thoughts and opinions of me are none of my business. But, that doesn't mean that it hurts any less. 

It's not like being overweight is fun. I know what being a buck10 is like. I know what it is like being where I am at now. No one is a worse critic than me. 

"Well your face is pretty"...

"Do you think anyone is going to want to do a scene with you looking like this?...

"You'd be so much prettier if"...

Now, none of these things are excuses. But when you are struggling to love yourself as is, having someone throw "french fries and shakes" or "dairy cow" comments in your feed (heyo) it doesn't make this growth any easier.

In fact, it feeds into my fears. This lifestyle isn't for my frame. This lifestyle is just as mean, and ruthless as my vanilla marriage. I can't escape it. It haunts me. 

So what do I do? Do I cower? Do I block every asshole that pokes at my insecurities? Do I accept that-that person is doing the best they can, and I just have to understand it's not about me at all...yes, yes I do. 

So here's to you French fry man. 

Things I'm grateful for:

I know I'll lose weight when I'm ready

My mental health is on the mend

My weight does not determine my worth

I am loved, as I am TODAY

Mean and hurtful comments are not about me

My recovery is my number one priority 

I will always have a delicious ass and thighs

I have a man with big hands, and a big heart who can support my said big ass and thighs

There is an entire fraction of people  who love a BBW, and and PAWG

AJV